When Gauguin joined van Gogh, down in Arles,
Vincent told him “I just want to parle.”
But then Paul condescended,
Van Gogh got offended,
And politeness collapsed in a quarle.

A hell of a painter was Vince!
A true post-Impressionist prince.
To think of those irises
Makes me desirouses...
But to think of his ear makes me wince.

I heard, on a trivia show,
That to call the man “Vincent van Gogh”
Makes the British folk scoff
'Cause they call him “van Gogh.”
But the Dutch say “van Gogh!” (see below).

To hear how the Dutch pronounce the name: http://tinyurl.com/l85jgc7

To see the clip from the trivia show, QI: http://tinyurl.com/38hl47c

Based on the suggestion: “van Gogh”

At Pam's Pumpkin Palace café
Every dish – from soufflé to sorbet –
Is prepared with panache
And is made with said squash.
Not the pie, though; that's far too cliché.

The pumpkin (Curcurbita pepo),
Is a favorite from here to Aleppo.
He's the squash world's buffoon!
In a veggie lampoon
He'd play Harpo.  (Zucchini'd play Zeppo).

Based on the suggestion: “pumpkin”

Fun fact: both pumpkins and zucchinis are classified as Curcurbita pepo (along with many other types of squash and gourd). 

I've a sin that I have to confess:
When I go to the store, I transgress.
I take 12 jugs of wine
Through the line with the sign
That says, “Only 10 items or fewer.”

Based on the suggestion: “fewer”

It ain't profitsome, fellers, to ruminate
'bout the final grub Harry S. Truman ate.
I say slice up his rumen
And check it! Assumin'
We get the OK to exhuminate.


Stuff some offal inside of a rumen,
Add spices – like nutmeg or cumin –
And oats. There's your haggis,
Now eat it! (To gag is
To prove that your own stomach's human).


Based on the suggestion: “rumen”

I don't really dislike haggis all that much (nor do I believe in the profitsomeness of discovering what HST's last meal was).  I just go where the rhymes lead me.
 

With grandchildren one never knows:
Pinch cheeks first? Or nibble on toes?
Not so hard for an uncle,
That lovable lunk'll
Just keep playing “I've got your nose.”

Based on the suggestion: “grandchildren"

Appropriately enough -- and completely coincidentally --  today is Grandparents Day!

Inflation's gone mad in Dubai,
With demand far outstripping supply.
A tuna fish sandwich
Costs seventeen grand! Which
Is why I eat lunch in Shanghai.

Based on the suggestion: “sandwich”

An admirable dog is the greyhound.
It's an excellent sit-, heel- and stay-hound.
But should something dash by
And beguile its eye,
It's a blurred streak of running-away-hound.

Based on the suggestion: "greyhound"