A whelk is a seagoing snail
With two flippers, a fin, and a tail.
It can breathe through a hole
In the top of its skull,
And it... hang on, I think that's a whale.

Based on the suggestion: “whelk”

A literary personal ad?

I'm seeking a fellow scholastic
To help me cut through the bombastic.
You're enthusiastic,
Iconoclastic,
And just a scintilla sarcastic.

Based on the suggestion: “iconoclast”

The expressways in Philly are nuts!
Every motorist there is a klutz.
If you drive on the Schuylkill
It's likely some kook'll
Rear-end you, because he's a putz.

Based on the suggestion: “Schuylkill”

I kidnapped my friend's garden gnomes

And equipped them with scissors and combs.

He now thinks he harbors

Six fairyland barbers.

He's sweet, but he's no Sherlock Holmes.

Based on the suggestion: “Sherlock Holmes”

I learned a new word today: “Extispicious: adj. Relating to the inspection of entrails for prognostication.”
 
It began as a scheme extispicious,
But, with glances around, surreptitious,
The guts to be read
Hit the barbie instead.
Here's my quick divination: “delicious.”

Based on the suggestion: “extispicious”

Jimmy Macho went out on a limb
To impress all the girls in his gym.
But the limb was too thin
And to Jimmy's chagrin
He now flirts with divine seraphim.

My goldfish all died. It was grim.
You ask why? I'll go out on a limb
And say every fish sank
To the depths of the tank
'Cause their mom never taught them to swim.

Elmer Fudd chased that bunny so trim
Up a tree, where the branches got slim.
It was never his plan
When the caper began.
He admitted: “I'm out on a whim.”

Based on the suggestion: “Out on a limb”

There's no danger of calorie scarcity
For the people who dwell in the fair city
Of Hershey, PA
Where the cynical say
It's the “Get Fat Just Breathing The Air” city.

Based on the suggestion: “scarcity”

There's a couple I'm fond of, the Gregorys,
Who, due to the whimsies and vagaries
Of life on this earth
Bought three bistros in Perth
And have opened a chain of Scotch Eggeries.

Based on the suggestion: “Gregory”

For those who have never heard of this delicacy, a Scotch egg is a hardboiled egg, wrapped in sausage meat, coated in bread crumbs and baked or deep fried.  Yum.